Happy Birthday Baby

Today we are remembering our sweet baby girl, who will live on in our hearts forever.

From Jack

Me: Jack come here and give me some kisses

Jack: No, I don't like kisses

Jack: Is it tomorrow?

Me: No it is still today.

Jack: I will like kisses tomorrow :)

One year ago part 2

One year ago on April 29th, I heard the most devastating news, my baby was dead. On that day my Dad got some news of his own. He was being placed on the transplant list and was officially going to get a new heart. This was the miracle we had been waiting for. He had been sick for 12 years and when first diagnosed was told he wouldn't live long without out a transplant or a miracle. That summer was long, my Dad got sicker and sicker, and time was running out he needed that new heart. In August he was flow by air ambulance to Chicago to either get an artificial heart or his transplant. The wait was the longest days/weeks of our lives. Time was running out something was going to have to be done, and of course we only wanted one surgery, so were hoping and praying for the heart. Julia my niece who was 4 and talks about Elizabeth often, said she asked God to give Grandpa his new heart and he said "not today but Wednesday". Many Wednesdays came and went and in the back of our minds we all held our breath on Wednesday. My Dad was hopeful he would get his heart on his 61st birthday... but nope he didn't. The day before I visited Elizabeth and told her she needed to help God get Grandpa his new heart. I told her I knew she could do it. Grandpa needed his angle now. 2 days later the day after my Dads 61st birthday on a WEDNESDAY we got a call from Dad saying "LIZ called they found me a heart" The news that it was finally here was amazing. But my jaw hit the floor when he told me who called him, LIZ. She did it, she got Grandpa his new heart. I know she was with him during his surgery I know she watched over him and made sure he was alright. This was her purpose, she is our guardian angel. She brought Grandpa his new heart on September 17th which is likely the day she would have been born. God is amazing in the way he works. I am so thankful God let Elizabeth help him in his miracle. It really brought me peace to know she truly is watching over us. Our very own beautiful guardian angel.

Counting my blessings

It is time again to list my 5 things that make me happy :)

1. My wonderful family -- Without them I would be lost wondering this world
2. My kids adorable smiles -- They can make any day brighter with no more then a look
3. Warm weather -- Time outside, bare feet, and Popsicles
4. My snugglie puppy sleeping by my feet -- She is warm soft and follows me everywhere
5. The smell on the side of Jeremys neck -- There is a spot on his neck that smells "like him" no matter what, I love that smell.
6. Ok I know I said 5 but I couldn't leave out a big cup of fountain Diet Coke -- I could live on this... If I ever get that magic wand, I am getting a fountain in my kitchen :)

Jack says

I'll help ya Trevor cause I'm a good climber.

this kid cracks me up :)

One year ago

One year ago right now I was taking a nap on the couch. Blissfully pregnant with my 3rd child. A baby girl we planned to call Oliva. Her bedding was in my room waiting to be taken out of the package and loved by her. My new maternity clothes were hanging in my closet waiting to be worn by my big belly. One year ago today my life was perfect. I still had not felt my little lady move, but hand no reason to be alarmed, I had felt some little flutters and just thought I had a little more "cushion" this time and would be feeling somersaults soon enough. Sitting in church on Sunday in my favorite maternity outfit, a pink shirt with grey capris, I felt her, a big kick. Like she was saying here you go mom I am moving. Tuesday April 29th was a busy day. Emma had been suffering with tons of ear infections and I was finally taking her to the ENT. I had to drop Jack at pre-school get her to the Dr and get back to pick up Jack. I noticed a little spotting or was it? I didn't even know if I should be alarmed. I called my mom... she wasn't sure call the Dr. she said..... UGH I don't have time to go to the Dr. Called my sister who is my on call OBGYN since she has 100 kids ( Love ya Burt ) she said oh it's probably nothing... maybe just call and let them know. FINE! I will call. I talked to my favorite nurse who wanted me to go to the hospital for and ultra sound, I was ticked I don't have time for this. Finally she got me into the office to see a ultrasound tech I had never seen before. My parents came over and Dad stayed with the kids while Mom drove me to the Dr. I went in and the tech was throwing a big fit because the Dr who was in the room before her hadn't cleaned up after herself.... layed down on the table explained what had been going on and told her I wanted to confirm I was having a girl but most of all I wanted to see a strong healthy heart beat. At that moment I looked at the screen and saw the most horrible thing ever, a still heart. Trying not to panic I said where is it? My mom was leaning on/by me by that point and the tech put her arm across my body and said words that will forever echo in my head, "There isn't one"Hysterical is the best way to describe how I was behaving. I was sobbing so hard she couldn't even complete the ultrasound until I calmed down. The Dr came in and told me I would have to deliver my baby, and to go to the hospital and check in. I am so glad my mom was with me to drive me home. I had to call Jeremy, who was working 4 hours away in Kansas and tell him our baby was dead and he needed to come home. I could hardly get the words out. Mom my called my sister to take care of Jack and Emma. Hearing her tell my sister the baby was gone was devastating, it made it all the more real. Back at home getting ready to go, I walked past the beautiful bedding I had gotten for my baby and knew I wasn't going to get to use it. I looked at my newly round belly and knew it wasn't going to get any bigger. I looked at my little kids who thought they were getting a baby sister and knew they weren't. On the drive to the hospital, I said to my mom over and over, I don't want to do this. Why did this happen? The process seemed to take for ever, and was the most painful birth I have ever gone through. I checked into the hospital at 3pm on April 29th and at 3am on April 30th my 3rd child, a perfect baby girl, named Elizabeth Elle was born in the arms of Jesus. She was tiny, 7 inches long and 1/2 pound. But she was perfect, 10 tiny fingers and 10 tiny toes. Her legs were long and her thighs were already starting to get a little chub on them. I went home the next afternoon, without my baby. We laid her to rest on Friday May 2nd beneath a big tree. In a very tiny box we said good by to our beloved baby. I couldn't stop thinking or talking about it, she consumed me. I remember saying to my mom I want to be happy again, will I ever stop thinking about her? The answer is no. I think about her every single day and wish she was here in my arms, babbling her baby talk and waking me up in the night to eat. But God needed her. He had bigger plans for her. She is a angel now helping God watch over and take care of us. I am thankful for that.

It's time

The weather is getting warm and I think the time has come to put winter things away and get summer stuff out. I am digging in the closets to find something to match the weather and to fit, the kids are needing some new clothes. Poor Jack I dresses him in shorts and a tee from last year and they are clearly to small... but it is that or winter clothes so I guess I better get shopping.

Back Yard

We spend a lot of time in our back yard. And judging by the business of Emma this year we will be spending even more time back there. I was out playing with the kiddos, looking around at the yard and it is in need of some serious help! It looks terrible.

1. get grass growing in the 2 big bare spots.
2. clean up all toys, trash, and sicks.
3. De-weed the flower beds
4. till up the flowers beds
5. plant in the flower beds
6. wash deck and table set
7. set many pots of flowers around to pretty it up
8. fix the dirt/fence where the dog keeps getting out
9. paint the shed
10. privacy fence (hey a girl can dream can't she?)
11. have new door that has been in the garage for a year put in

This is my task for the next few days. It HAS to be done, I can't stand it anymore.

I really need that magic wand!

Thankfully the front yard isn't as bad I need to pull some weeds and grow some grass in a couple smaller bare spots. Then I just need to plant flowers in my pots from last year and it will look great. So this summers focus is in the back yard.

craigslist part 2

Ok, in an old post I told about how much I loved craigslist and how I buy, sell, and find everything on there. Well, I have had my first and only creepy experience on craigslist and I am officially over it! This very creepy man wanted to buy a bridesmaid dress I wore while 8 months preggy. So as you can imagine, it is huge! What is up with this weirdo? The creepy thing is he asked me to meet him at a park, NO WAY! I am not meeting you at a park so you can murder me. Move on buddy!

Craigslist is no longer my homeboy!

I fell in love...

Last night while shopping at my favorite store, Target. With my my favorite gal LC. I stumbled upon the cutest shoes! Tried them on, ADORABLE and comfy... You can start planning your trip to Target now.

But being the mommy that I am I couldn't get these for myself because I was eyeing this cute little dress for Princess Em.

I know it's adorable. I made the right choice!

To the lovely shoes I left behind, I'll be back for you loves... until we meet again....

P.S. I would like to marry Target. Just sayin.....

Love

I read this on a wonderful ladies blog and thought it was so perfect I had to add to mine.

Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. ~Hoosier Farmer

Love is a vase of tulips on the dresser..and a chocolate bar on the pillow. Love is taking the time to pull over on the busy interstate for yet another bird picture. Love is a gift not found in a box. Love is real and true, here and now, forever and a day. Love builds bridges and hand rails and swingsets and makes memories. All you need is love. Love is saying "I'm sorry" and meaning it. Love is laughing at the little things and forgetting what doesn't matter. Love is a beautiful dance ...without music. Love is putting in more than you take out. Love is our family language spoken silently and spread over several states. Love is a promise to share all the moments in life...the good and the bad...the happy and the sad. Love is a journey in the same direction...holding hands. And what a beautiful eight year journey it's been!

I want a love like this, it doesn't come easy it takes work time and commitment. Sometimes I think couples get lost in the hussle and bussle of everyday life and take for granted the love they have for each other. Love is easy at first, but then love gets comfortable, stops being polite, and stops showing it's self all the time. How do you know how long a couple has been married? How far apart they sit.

7 Weeks

That is how long I have to loose 50lbs and get in shape before I have to be in my cousins wedding. I am wearing a strapless tea length dress, so being my chunky self isn't an option. 7 weeks?? It took me 5 years and 3 babies to gain all this.... 7 weeks?? Why didn't I get started sooner?? Why did I let myself gain the 15lbs I lost last summer back? Why is loosing weight so hard? When I try really hard I see no results, then I eat fast food all weekend and loose a pound? Explain that to me. BAH! I hate to exercise and I love to eat.... hhhmmm.... I think I am going to have to do some serious dieting and exercising over the next few weeks.... Lets see if I can do it :) BARF!

Not Sleeping....

Sunday: The sinus infection and bronchitis feels like it is coming back.... not feeling well. So I took NyQuil so I could get a good night sleep. WRONG, I was awakened at 3am by Lucy, puking! Dang! I was sleeping so well. So I got up cleaned her all up and could not fall back asleep! UUUHHHGGG! So after laying there coughing my brains out, I decided to get up. Good thing I did because I finally got a background put on here... moving up in the world : ) Who knew that birds chirped at 4:30am.

Here is sweet Lucy puke-face on Easter

Dog poop and Alltel

They are one in the same, they both disgust me. From yesterdays blog you know I need a new cell. So I decided I couldn't stand the breaky reception, dropped and misses call. So I went in to file an insurance claim and get a new phone..... oh but they don't give you a new phone they give you a refurbished phone. WHAT? Refurbished??? That means they take the crap phones people bring in when they are broken, fix them and that is what you get. Seriously? I pay $5.99 a month for insurance and the deductible is $50... and I don't even get a new phone, I get a refurbished one? NO THANKS!! So if you are on the phone with me for the next month you and I will just have to deal with the call dropping and bad reception b/c I am not paying $50 for a refurbished phone. BUH!

Lucy was extra smelly today and upon investigation I discovered she had poop stuck in her butt/tail. Tried to wipe it out... NO. Tried to cut it out... NO again. So I had to put her in the sink and soak it out, that a some scrubbing and cutting she is now poop free. Poor dog, poop stuck in her butt.... YUCK!!

On the plus side today was a beautiful day. Warm weather, capri weather. Emma went this morning and got her cast off! hip hip hooray! I brought her home and let her soak in a nice long bubble bath. Then we were able to play out side all day.... I love nice weather.

Can I get a magic wand?

I will only use it for good things like loosing 50lbs and a tummy full of stretch marks, cleaning my house, and maybe dog grooming. Is that really asking for to much? I watched a DVR Oprah last night about the good the bad and the ugly of motherhood. There are some pretty unhappy moms out there. But the stories were alike all over the country, unshowered frazzled moms who have messy houses and no dinner on the table. How did the moms of yesteryear do it all? I don't think expectations have changed, I don't have unrealistic expectations, but I am still left feeling like it isn't enough. My house is never clean enough and I can't cook. However, my kids are happy. They have a mommy who is willing to have a messy house, so she can play kitchen, monster trucks or driveway chalk with them. I read that a house isn't really a home unless you can write LOVE in the dust... the other day I did just that. And a few days later when I dusted over that spot I had to smile and realize, it doesn't really matter! I maybe haven't taken a shower in a couple days and have a messy house with no dinner, but we are happy :)

SO, I need a new phone

OK so 2 years ago on fathers day Jeremy got me a razor. I was in love and with my new phone and thought it was the best thing since sliced bread. Fast forward to now and the phone is crappin out on me. It could be that my children drop it constantly, or that it is always lost in the couch cushions, I don't know. What I do know is that I am tired of breaky reception and dropped calls. Sometimes I even miss calls all together. Now I spend 40 minutes every Tuesday and Thursday at swimming lessons. And time waiting for Jack to get out of preschool. So naturally I miss my source to the outside world my internet. It seems everyone and their dog has texting and internet on their phone.Well not me I have the bottom of the line phone like a grandma would have. So, I want a new phone that works, can't have that without paying $50 insurance claim. Can't get the free phone until May14 when my contract is eligible. Why do they have to make everything so stinking difficult. Just let me come in sign a new contract and get the free phone stop jerkin me around!!!!!!! Not to mention that getting texting and internet is $20 per month. NO thanks, I'll stick with the grandma plan. Whatever! Me and my mom will be the only people I know without texting and internet on their phone. Ridiculous!

PS. While I was on the phone with Alltel finding all this out... I burned supper. GREAT!

Things I say a Million times a day

These are some of the many things I say to the kids several times a day:

Put that down

Stop whining

Don't tattle

JACK JOSEPH KYNCL

Emma laine

Don't talk about your weenie

We don't say that

Who made this mess

Hurry up

Where did this come from

Seriously!

Clean up your toys

Don't touch your sister

You are making me crazy

Get down from there

I love you!

These are things I repeat so many times a day that I think the kids can't even hear it anymore.

Out of the mouth of Jack

Mommy: You are driving me insane Jack

Jack: You are driving your self insane Mom.

He has also started calling me woman..... he is his fathers son!

A special thanks

To Burger King. For offering $.99 cent kids meals for a tired mom who doesn't want to cook dinner and kids that would eat BK for breakfast, lunch and dinner. You are my favorite BK. Next to super Target anyway :)

Easter

I didn't want to dye eggs, so thankfully my sister Jaci saved the day and invited the kids over to dye eggs at her house. They had so much fun and couldn't wait for the Easter bunny to come in the morning.

Later that day Jack found the bag of bunny gifts and asked who they were for, I told him his cousin Gavin. It must have worked he was totally surprised on Sunday morning.

I went to church by myself. It was nice to have that time to be by MYSELF! I stopped a picked up a pizza on the way home as the kiddos requested. Not your traditional Easter Sunday dinner, but I am all for new traditions :) Came home to find the hubs cleaning the house (thanks hun) Went to my sisters for an hunt, the kids had a blast and the weather was good NO RAIN! YEA!

After that we drove to Humphrey for dinner and another egg hunt. Emma bit into an egg shell and all and loved it. We had a great time! The kids were on a sugar high on the drive home but crashed 45 minutes in.

Craigslist

I love craigslist, I buy, sell and find anything and everything on criagslist. Yesterday I found Emma 6 pairs of summer pjs for $6. You can't beat that! Last week I found a fisher price slide for this pool this summer for $10. SCORE! Now I am eyeing some monkey bedding and room decor for Emma. Who knew I would be a used shopper? I never thought I would. But people including myself, sell stuff that is like brand new. Buy used, save the difference. Craigslist, it's my homeboy.

My Shadow

I have a little shadow that follows me where ever I go, her name is Emma. She will also answer to Em, Emmi, Nemma, Sassy, Princess and Fern. (so many others I couldn't even list) I say these names many times a day as I scooping her up so she won't trip me or worse yet I won't step on her. Some times I have even been know to try to run from her so I can get on the computer or go to the bathroom without her on my lap. Anyone who talks to me on the computer knows that my typing is always a mess and now you know why, my shadow is on my lap. Today my shadow went home with her Grandma for a few days and I am lost! :( I felt like I was going to cry when she left this afternoon and wasn't even sad. (If I wanted to leave her with anyone else for 10 minutes she would cry, the girl is an extension of me any other time.) But trying to get her to say she didn't want to go wasn't even going to happen. I would say bye Emma, she would smile at me and say bye Mommy! I would say do you want to go with Gramma Donna, she would say yes, I would say do you want to come with Mommy, she would say NO! Thankfully I have the best little boy here with me, who will gladly be my shadow in place of his sister. Although I know he is missing her to! He had to call her tonight and see if she could see the big moon. Just as I was typing this he came and asked "now when does Emma come home?" SO SWEET. I have the best kids!

uurrgg DOGS!

Since Lucy has been escaping from the backyard every time I let them out, the dogs haven't been able to do their usual back yard run. So I watched them go potty and let them back in. I was sitting at the computer when in comes Emma bringing me a piece of dog poop!!!! Yuck! She was so proud of herself she knew it was yucky. She told me "ocy bluck" with her nose all wrinkled up. Gosh she is cute, even when she is bringing me dog poop. Now she is in the bathroom vigerously washing her hands.

The worst!!

I have the hardest time getting out of bed in the morning. I lay there until the last possible second before I finally get up. After I get out of bed and wobble to the potty I am groggy and grumpy. It is the absolute worst when I sit down only to find Jack has potty ALL OVER THE SEAT!!! My butt is all wet with little boy potty! GGGRRROOOSSSSS! Seriously, that is the worst! Good thing he is so cute and sweet or him might not get away with peeing all over mommys potty!

hilarious

This morning on the way to school Jack looked out the back window and said

"wow look at that huge mountain we just came down, we were going so fast I got a brain freeze"

Where does he come up with this stuff?

Saving

Why is it that my list of things I need to save for keeps getting bigger and bigger instead of smaller? I think to myself, ok I need to save every penny I can and then I can pay for this. But the months keep flying by and I have nothing to show for it except an ever growing list of things to save for. My mom told me to make a list and prioritize the order. So.....
~my cousins wedding in June. Away from home so it is a mini vacation. Gas, hotel, food, entertainment, gifts and just all the little things that go with being in a wedding and going on a mini vacation. $500
~ Christmas savings. We spend about $800 each year buying gifts, sending cards, making food, and decorating for the Christmas season. And every year it seems to grow a little. $900
~Bunk Beds. Jack sleeps in the basement, well at least his bed is in the basement. But he hates it and frankly so do I. I hate having him so far away, I like being able to reach my kids at all times. So the best solution I can think of is bunk beds in Emma's room. That way he can have a bed to sleep in upstairs and he will still have his own room when he gets older and hates his sister :) By the time you buy beds, mattresses, and bedding at least $400
~ A new mattress for daddy and mommy. Jeremy has been complaining about the mattress for years, but I have been feeling the effects of the way to soft pillow top lately myself. Some mornings when I wake up even my jaw hurts from that damn thing. $400
These are just the things on the top of my list I have so many other things I want to save for like a new stove, kitchen table, living room furniture, back yard landscaping, a privacy fence and more importantly I have to come up with $1800 to pay off my washer and dryer before the end of the month. HHHMMMM I think I need to stop wishing and start saving. I have always been a big dreamer, it looks like I am very good at it! At least I am rich in life, I have the most wonderful family and friends and good faith. Isn't that all a girl really needs? Who needs all these material things anyway! :)

Applebees

Applebees, it has always been one of my favorites but it takes a new level now. Last night we needed dinner, I need to go to the grocery store and we had nothing but left overs in the fridge. I saw a advertisement for Applebees 2 people eat for $20. Not bad! Plus kids meals are 1/2 price on Tuesdays. BONUS!! So our whole family at a great meal out (but at our house) (thanks to car side to go) for $25.00 That's a good deal!
Thanks Applebees you never let me down!